Every so often we all get stuck in patterns - which may, or may not work for us in the long run. Lately, I have realized I have been stuck in a less-than-ideal pattern which is colluding with my lackadaisical streak. Well, perhaps that isn't completely fair. Its not laziness. Its grief. But that is another matter, and the end result is the same. The matter at hand, is "changing patterns." Shift. Growth. Consistency.
For the last 5 months or so, I have been out of synch with my previous work pattern, and instead, have been allowing myself to get sucked into the great, dark time-sink that can be "life online." Facebook, email. Sure, those. But they are just the gateway drug to a magpie like me who will pick up and fondle every shiny bit of information; every "must see sale" and every damn new online game.
Its almost like I have, in some ways, been in a fugue-state while sorting through grief. Here, but not here.
I have been working with a wonderful mentor lately. Yesterday's weekly phone call was all about switching things up so that work can actually happen. So here's the plan. No more immediately checking Facebook and email when I wake up. Instead, grab coffee, go to work. I've been wanting to do a plein air series and this seemed like a good time to have my feet held to the fire. So that was the plan. GO OUTSIDE and PAINT. Until 1pm. Then break for lunch and check the social media. Sounds good, yeah? In theory. Let's see how it goes in practice.
Dogs woke me at 4:30am and I learned that my neighbors are actually awake at that time. Crazy morning people. I, however, went back to bed after letting the pups outside and proceeded to let my unconcious do its thing until nearly noon. I guess I needed the sleep/dream time.
Got up, got cold-brew coffee, fed dogs. Glanced longingly at closed computer, but forced self to resist temptation, realizing it feels a lot like breaking the nail biting habit. Gather panels, paints, and step outside and realize it just too damn hot. What was i thinking?! Its summer monsoon in the Sonoran Desert! Fine. Back inside. But I will be damned if I will let the computer win. Nope. Sketch book out. Play with geometry while considering patterns and letting mind wander.
I made a conscious decision to allow today to be a sort of warm-up day. To let today not be about the work itself, but about the shift in habits. In that way, I think it has been successful, but gods, I do hope this gets easier as the days go by because right now, like any addict, my mind kept wandering back to the shiny closed computer with all its distractions and immediate gratification.